sábado, 31 de enero de 2009


We all know the secret to good human relationships, family, friends, mates, groups or whoever. It is based on comunication. But one thing is to know it and say it, and the other is to practice it and make it work. Specially on the basis of marriage relationships, which are the most harmed, and doesn´t matter how long have been, it could be years or maybe months, even days. What it´s really important is to feel connected to each other. And what counts is the way you share emotional information with your couple, through words or attitudes. It is not about how we say things, but how whe transmit them.

People react in a positive way to that emotional conection, and instead of arguing and quarreling we should use "positive tools" as the sense of humour, affection and care, to make things work in a better way. All of these tools help to dissolve negative feelings, bad temper and resentment. Those who in the middle or an arguing can make a difference, and stand in a positive way are more likeable to solve conflicts, restore feelings and build positive answers from his opposite.

And although it sounds easy and even nice, one should begin to "work" before even an arguing would come. Everyday, with the emotional information exchange, as it should be, is how we establish more stable and loving relationships.

Most of the people who make the decision of share their lives and destinies, don´t do it with the intention of breaking up or failing. But it happens frequently, and sometimes it is because we don´t pay enough attention to other´s emotional needs. Many times that lack of interest is not intentional, we get involved so much in our own business that we forget. But the results are the same. On the other hand when we pay attention to our beloved ones, it evolves into more stable relationships. When you are present, and pay attention to your couple, there will be always be an answer. If your goal is to have a good relationship with your spouse, you have to focus on your couple.

Conflicts are unavoidable, when it comes to share activities and dreams. How to express our differences, is the key to solve those conflicts. The golden rule is justo to say what you feel, or to complain in the very moment and opportune space, but without criticism. What is the difference? Complaints always have to do with a specific problem. Criticism is global, and implies judgment. It includes sentences as: "you always..." or "you never..."

Criticism weakens our temper, with negative tags. To say and listen to complains is not always easy, but generally is worth to pay attention to them because, it can help to understand each other better or solve the problems. On the contrary, criticism, guides to the opposite. It hurts our feelings and increases tensions and resentment. When you are in a deffensive position, it is almost impossible to have a good communication and less likeable to have a good relationship.

When things get out of hand, people always ask to themselves if it was because of something they said. Well it could be so. But what really damages a relationship is what you don´t say. Many misunderstandings come out of situations and matters people need to talk about, but they never do. As a result confusion and tension are present, and come with argues, all of these leading the relationship to a hostile mood, fleeing away from the solution of the conflict. When conflict is our daily bread, we better watch for those things we haven´t said or expressed. In other word, all of the things we have kept inside us.

It sounds very easy to talk about what we feel, but not so many times is so easy to unveil our soul. But there´s always a way to begin. It is as easy as to focus en the feelings in that very moment. That little step would lead you to walk in the right direction towards a healthy relationship with your couple.

Hatred stirs up dissension,
but love covers over all wrongs
(Proverbs 10: 12)

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