martes, 5 de agosto de 2008


You can only fill what is empty, and in order to do so you have to clean up first. To clean up is to get rid of those things which are an obstacle in our lives. In this hard times of recesion there are few material things to get rid off, we rather buy than discard. But we need to clean our minds and to clear our spirit. Where to begin? There are many ways to begin to discard what is bothering us, one of those is to "erase and begin again", which translates in one wonderful word "forgiveness".

When we forgive each other, when we do so with those who we think have offended us, is because there is an offense between us, or maybe because we give others the right and power to offend us. That is to say, that we granted them the importance to make us feel offended.

Of course, one thing is to say it and other different thing is to achieve it. "It´s not about justifying negative behaviors, ours or theirs. To forgive is not to pretend that everything is ok, when it is not".

It is the most obvious motivation to get ride of the effects of chronical anger and resentment. Nonetheless, when we forgive, or we don´t forgive has many edges... to what extent one person can forgive when he has been hurted, and those injuries have disturbed his life? Guilt and self censure are some of the reasons why you can doubt about the effects of forgiveness, when it is not the result of a well designed process.

You shouldn´t feel bad when you can overcome a sorrow or when you have been offended. Sometimes what make us feel right is to be honest with our own feelings, and if our principles are to live under the divine laws, forgiveness become the gift that God gives us because of his great love and teach us lots of great advantages. Unfortunately many people, although, are well intended and want sincerely to forgive, they keep many resentments in their hearts.

Resentment and represion are harmful feelings to any of us. And sometimes we think that we can get rid of pain without forgiveness. Our goal, then becomes to feel better and more empowered. Sometimes we stop thinking about the matter, and we also forget about forgiveness, and we think that we are living peacefully with ourselves. That is the way some people think about forgiveness, but obviously, those people are walking in a fake line of forgiveness.

Being accepted, make excuses and acting opposite to what you feel, when you don´t feel it are the wrong way to try to get the physical and mental rewards of forgiveness. When it is perceived as an obligation and not as something done with a humble heart and true freedom, then the act of forgiveness makes us feel worst and increases the feeling of being victims. When we admit that we are hurt, and that we felt betrayed is an important part of the process of inner healing and real deliverance. Obviously, to get to that process, we have to break boundaries, otherwise it will be impossible to overcome vicious cycles.

Sometimes we think that little betrayals are unforgivable: when the in laws criticize about the delay of having children; when parents opposse to their children´s friends.. In these cases is not the fact, but who has inflicted the injury. Many of the worst transgressions come to the closest people: husband, wife, parents, friends, even when we overcome the problems and we continue liking this people. The problem is the lost of confidence and the intimacy level is affected. The worst thing is that in most cases you can´t turn time back and pretend that nothing changed.

How can we avoid that anger, resentment and fear may consume us? It´s necessary to begin to review carefully the facts and clarify the feelings. Maybe is shame, or disappointment, or represion? About offenses, where they intentionally or accidentally? In which state was the person who offended you? Was this person jealous, unmature, insecure? We should try to be in their shoes. But don´t try to explain it. Maybe, it´s probable that you may never understand why your couple was unfaithful or why your parents criticize every step you take. But what you can do, is to realize that the person who has offended you is a normal human being, with mistakes and weaknesses as any other person.

After this reflection process which can take a long time, you can achieve a true forgiveness. Or maybe you can decide to deny your forgiveness, because you feel that the other person can hurt you again.

One of the questions in which we can meditate is: Have you ever questioned yourself if is worthy to feel bitterness in your heart because of other person? Have you ever thought that you, as a unique human being never have to let other people over you to let you be affected by him? And sometimes because of pride, some people can´t flow and live a plenty life. And, because you have to begin with yourself, to what extent are you hurting others, or are you hurting yourself because you haven forgiven yourself? It is a heavy burden to carry.

And when you stand praying,
if you hold anything against anyone,
forgive him,
so that your Father in heaven
may forgive you your sins.

(Mark 11:25).

by Henry Leguizamo

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