SADNESS OR DEPRESSION ...

Get glasses to see everything black and dark, this is how can one explain the depression, a disorder that impairs the lives and makes the vision of the world is negative. May cause changes in the cognitive and emotional changes, it affects everyone, especially those with a family that lacked in her childhood love, who have suffered traumatic experiences or who have been unable to overcome an emotional loss. Although all human beings have a strength in her personality to face the difficulties, not all possess the same ability to adapt to the loss.

For this reason, eventually entering a state of depression that can affect your mood, anxiety or living spaces that can last weeks, loss of interest or pleasure in most activities, living with feelings of insignificance, helplessness and guilt. May have changes in sleeping habits, feeling tired, loss of energy, feelings of sluggishness, agitation, restlessness, irritability, difficulty concentrating or making decisions, frequent thoughts about death.

It is important to distinguish between sadness and depression. The first is a normal state which is presented in person to events such as the loss of a loved one, the abandonment of the loved one, loss of freedom. Develops over a short period of time is passing, his recovery process is easier in humans. While depression is a mental disorder characterized by feelings of worthlessness, guilt, sadness, helplessness and deep despair. Unlike normal sadness or grief that follows the loss of a loved one, depression is a pathological grief for no apparent reason justifying it, and serious and persistent, that is when the boundaries of sadness are exceeded. It is a long time that the vision of the surrounding world is close to the point that distorts reality.

A depressed person does not make plans for the future because everything is dark, usually stays in the past and regrets what he has done in his life. Depression constitutes high risk factor that can lead a person to think of suicide, often by economic factors or unwanted separations, among others.

On many occasions, although the symptoms of depression are quite clear, most people affected do not consult or seek any kind of help, but it would be appropriate to reflect on this: Who told you that your problems have no solution? Do not let problems or crisis condition your life. Understand that you are unique and that God has given you a creative abilities, gifts, talents and other skills to solve problems and can bless those around you. With a new level of thinking you can see possibilities in your life instead of impossibilities. Say goodbye to stress, anxiety, depression, fear, fear because He who dwells in you has made you more than winning on all those things.

Make a stop to the anxiety and see clearly what the problem is. Sometimes what you think is the problem is not the problem. Get questions: What is wrong? What is the problem we are trying to solve? What is my responsibility in the matter? Specified, no turns or falls des sen assumptions. For those who are married, no marital problems, personal problems alone. Colócate targets. What I would like to see happen? How is the problem solved? Expand your imagination. Think about all the ideas that are possible to solve the problem. Think of possibilities. Make lots of questions. Forget the "crisis" for a moment and enjoy your life thinking it would be like without this problem, ask yourself now: What do I need to solve the problem? How can I prevent this? Take action on your thoughts.

Once you have found what they needed to solve the problem, design an action plan that will lead you to the life you want to achieve. Do not stay on paper. Do what you have to do: forgive, to love, serve, honor, discipline, perseverance, paid work. Do not give up until you see your problem solved. Acquire wisdom, wisdom comes from God and we should seek to assist us in every step. Still there are answers and solutions. ¡Really born to win!

"But in all this we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (Romans 8:37)

MORE THAN WORDS...

We all know the secret to good human relationships, family, friends, mates, groups or whoever. It is based on comunication. But one thing is to know it and say it, and the other is to practice it and make it work. Specially on the basis of marriage relationships, which are the most harmed, and doesn´t matter how long have been, it could be years or maybe months, even days. What it´s really important is to feel connected to each other. And what counts is the way you share emotional information with your couple, through words or attitudes. It is not about how we say things, but how whe transmit them.

People react in a positive way to that emotional conection, and instead of arguing and quarreling we should use "positive tools" as the sense of humour, affection and care, to make things work in a better way. All of these tools help to dissolve negative feelings, bad temper and resentment. Those who in the middle or an arguing can make a difference, and stand in a positive way are more likeable to solve conflicts, restore feelings and build positive answers from his opposite.

And although it sounds easy and even nice, one should begin to "work" before even an arguing would come. Everyday, with the emotional information exchange, as it should be, is how we establish more stable and loving relationships.

Most of the people who make the decision of share their lives and destinies, don´t do it with the intention of breaking up or failing. But it happens frequently, and sometimes it is because we don´t pay enough attention to other´s emotional needs. Many times that lack of interest is not intentional, we get involved so much in our own business that we forget. But the results are the same. On the other hand when we pay attention to our beloved ones, it evolves into more stable relationships. When you are present, and pay attention to your couple, there will be always be an answer. If your goal is to have a good relationship with your spouse, you have to focus on your couple.

Conflicts are unavoidable, when it comes to share activities and dreams. How to express our differences, is the key to solve those conflicts. The golden rule is justo to say what you feel, or to complain in the very moment and opportune space, but without criticism. What is the difference? Complaints always have to do with a specific problem. Criticism is global, and implies judgment. It includes sentences as: "you always..." or "you never..."

Criticism weakens our temper, with negative tags. To say and listen to complains is not always easy, but generally is worth to pay attention to them because, it can help to understand each other better or solve the problems. On the contrary, criticism, guides to the opposite. It hurts our feelings and increases tensions and resentment. When you are in a deffensive position, it is almost impossible to have a good communication and less likeable to have a good relationship.

When things get out of hand, people always ask to themselves if it was because of something they said. Well it could be so. But what really damages a relationship is what you don´t say. Many misunderstandings come out of situations and matters people need to talk about, but they never do. As a result confusion and tension are present, and come with argues, all of these leading the relationship to a hostile mood, fleeing away from the solution of the conflict. When conflict is our daily bread, we better watch for those things we haven´t said or expressed. In other word, all of the things we have kept inside us.

It sounds very easy to talk about what we feel, but not so many times is so easy to unveil our soul. But there´s always a way to begin. It is as easy as to focus en the feelings in that very moment. That little step would lead you to walk in the right direction towards a healthy relationship with your couple.

Hatred stirs up dissension,
but love covers over all wrongs

(Proverbs 10: 12)

FROM THE HEART!!!!!

You can only fill what is empty, and in order to do so you have to clean up first. To clean up is to get rid of those things which are an obstacle in our lives. In this hard times of recesion there are few material things to get rid off, we rather buy than discard. But we need to clean our minds and to clear our spirit. Where to begin? There are many ways to begin to discard what is bothering us, one of those is to "erase and begin again", which translates in one wonderful word "forgiveness".

When we forgive each other, when we do so with those who we think have offended us, is because there is an offense between us, or maybe because we give others the right and power to offend us. That is to say, that we granted them the importance to make us feel offended.

Of course, one thing is to say it and other different thing is to achieve it. "It´s not about justifying negative behaviors, ours or theirs. To forgive is not to pretend that everything is ok, when it is not".

It is the most obvious motivation to get ride of the effects of chronical anger and resentment. Nonetheless, when we forgive, or we don´t forgive has many edges... to what extent one person can forgive when he has been hurted, and those injuries have disturbed his life? Guilt and self censure are some of the reasons why you can doubt about the effects of forgiveness, when it is not the result of a well designed process.

You shouldn´t feel bad when you can overcome a sorrow or when you have been offended. Sometimes what make us feel right is to be honest with our own feelings, and if our principles are to live under the divine laws, forgiveness become the gift that God gives us because of his great love and teach us lots of great advantages. Unfortunately many people, although, are well intended and want sincerely to forgive, they keep many resentments in their hearts.

Resentment and represion are harmful feelings to any of us. And sometimes we think that we can get rid of pain without forgiveness. Our goal, then becomes to feel better and more empowered. Sometimes we stop thinking about the matter, and we also forget about forgiveness, and we think that we are living peacefully with ourselves. That is the way some people think about forgiveness, but obviously, those people are walking in a fake line of forgiveness.

Being accepted, make excuses and acting opposite to what you feel, when you don´t feel it are the wrong way to try to get the physical and mental rewards of forgiveness. When it is perceived as an obligation and not as something done with a humble heart and true freedom, then the act of forgiveness makes us feel worst and increases the feeling of being victims. When we admit that we are hurt, and that we felt betrayed is an important part of the process of inner healing and real deliverance. Obviously, to get to that process, we have to break boundaries, otherwise it will be impossible to overcome vicious cycles.

Sometimes we think that little betrayals are unforgivable: when the in laws criticize about the delay of having children; when parents opposse to their children´s friends.. In these cases is not the fact, but who has inflicted the injury. Many of the worst transgressions come to the closest people: husband, wife, parents, friends, even when we overcome the problems and we continue liking this people. The problem is the lost of confidence and the intimacy level is affected. The worst thing is that in most cases you can´t turn time back and pretend that nothing changed.

How can we avoid that anger, resentment and fear may consume us? It´s necessary to begin to review carefully the facts and clarify the feelings. Maybe is shame, or disappointment, or represion? About offenses, where they intentionally or accidentally? In which state was the person who offended you? Was this person jealous, unmature, insecure? We should try to be in their shoes. But don´t try to explain it. Maybe, it´s probable that you may never understand why your couple was unfaithful or why your parents criticize every step you take. But what you can do, is to realize that the person who has offended you is a normal human being, with mistakes and weaknesses as any other person.

After this reflection process which can take a long time, you can achieve a true forgiveness. Or maybe you can decide to deny your forgiveness, because you feel that the other person can hurt you again.

One of the questions in which we can meditate is: Have you ever questioned yourself if is worthy to feel bitterness in your heart because of other person? Have you ever thought that you, as a unique human being never have to let other people over you to let you be affected by him? And sometimes because of pride, some people can´t flow and live a plenty life. And, because you have to begin with yourself, to what extent are you hurting others, or are you hurting yourself because you haven forgiven yourself? It is a heavy burden to carry.

And when you stand praying,
if you hold anything against anyone,
forgive him,
so that your Father in heaven
may forgive you your sins.
(Mark 11:25).

by Henry Leguizamo

EFFICACY

EFFICACY

Being able to do something good, is not enough, it requires also of the trust of conviction that it is possible to reach the expected results we want. Withouth self trust, goals dissappear.

The ability to be eficacious refers to how able someone feels about reaching their goals. It´s the opinion that we have of our own abilities, and in which we relay to be succesful. It´s all about attitude. We can have all the important abilites to compete but if our self trust fails, failure will come soon.

Now we should ask ourselves, who are us really? If we have formed at the image of God, then, Do we know what God expect from us? Are us clear of who we are before God?

He has equipped us with so many and wonderful talents, with the ability to attain so many things, His words comfort us, and encourage us to a high level, to fly without doubt (to those with fearful hearts: Be strong, do not fear, your God will come..) Isahiah 35:4.

It is really necessary to trust in our abilities. And I´m not deffending the unrational optimism of those unrealistic people, but I´m attacking the chronical pesimism. Untrustness in yourself is the highest sign of low self esteem.

People without self trust are the ones who flee at the first moment, are less persistant, fatalist and eskeptical (they tend to abandon the ship before the others). They are loosers by nature, picky and soft tempered.

When we perceive uneficciency, it causes anxiety problems (I´m unable to do...) General anxiety, panic atacks and phobias have their origin in an early vulnerability scheme. What determines the impotence sensation it´s not the danger itself, but not to be able to face it. In other words, fears depends not only in the threatinga factor, but in the resources that we have to face it and being conscius of them.

The cause of uneficciency sometimes comes from childhood overprotection, and aprehenssive parents. Over excesive care sometimes comes with the hidden message of "I love you, but you are not able of..." (Or, the world is so hard to carry on that you need a permante body guard to help you). It´s better if we use a more encouraging message: "I love you, and I will let you, step from step until you learn and you can be able to cope with your own life".

Self trust can be strenghtened following basic principles: Deleting the expression: "I´m not able to..." It is also better to forget the bad things, and not to make of memory a masoquist resource. Be sure that your goals are reachable, and justified, so that you don´t reach for an impossible dream. And try not to avoid or postpone the solution to your problems (remember that every time we left our self esteem alone, it becomes bruised).

A good autoefficiency creates immunity and safety feelings. If the goal that you want to reach is possible, if there´s a conviction that your goal is also the will of God, and according to His purposes, and it´s really vital y trascendental for your life, then get stubborn and persever until you reach it. And if it is impossible to reach, destroy it and lear honorably that we sometimes loose. Tenacity doesn´t goes along with stubborness.

..God is with you

mighty warrior

(Judges 6:12)

by Henry Leguizamo

BE STRONG AND CORAGEOUS!!!

BE STRONG AND CORAGEOUS

Believe in yourself and in your vision of tomorrow. Be sourrounded of those who will help you reach your goals. Keep your dreams alive, despite the challenges that may come in your way. There always be some who would try to steal your dreams with destructive crticisim.

They do not understand what moves you to reach for beyond. There are not defeat in inertia, but there is nos success either. Only if you take those risks of which the others are afraid of, you could attain excelence. Changes sometimes may be overwhelming, but only through them you will be able to grow. Only if you challenge yourself with what seems impossible you could know how much you can reach for. There is only one key to success: perseverance until you succeed.

It may be possible that you have to change so many things, but you can do it. The seed of excellence is within yourself. Feed it, make it grow and then, nothing else would be impossible for you.

Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and courageous.
Do not be terrified;
do not be discouraged
for the Lord your God
will be with you
wherever you go.
(Joshua 1:9).

by Henry Leguizamo

SELF RESPECT

SELF RESPECT

We live in a culture where "yes" is stronger than "no". "Yes" is associated to kindness, understanding and tolerance, while the "no" refers to rejection, selfishness and untolerance. We teach service, helpness and generosity as fundamental values to mankind and we overlook those who are opposite, or those who reject or protest. The right of setting a posture or express our disagreement is not well seen in our society, at least for those who want to follow what has been established.

This way of always "agree with everything" and avoid disagreements, has created the philosophy of meekness. We admire submission and silence: to low our head is a simbol of "loveness" even when the want to cut it off. We missunderstood simpleness with submission, and it´s not the same. The person who is humble, sometimes bows, but doesn´t break. It´s humble until his values are touched, because, humbleness has a limit: Personal Dignity.

The culture of submission, reaches for two goals. On one hand, tries to calm or be glad to others (fear). And on the other hand, to be able to feel "good and clean". Nonetheless, kindness is not self punishment, because love always has to begin in our own house, "love others, as you love yourself". We could have respect to each other, only when we have attained self respect.

Nobody, denies that others are more important than ourselves, and if we have love, we could even give our lives for one another, if needed. But, we have to keep our dignity at high stakes, understand that even in the most altruist acts of our lives, we have to be dignified. We could acknowledge our failures, but without loosing self respect. (self worth is very important)

I´m not preaching here about being unsensible and greedy when it comes to stand for our personal rights. But, to say "no", to have the right to express my disagreement, to be opposite sometimes, to get angry and express it, and to be steady in what I believe. Obviously, all of those, without tresspassing the rights of others. It´s is simply having the freedom of moving in the territory of my own values, and at the same time be compassive. If I deal with my principles and values, what´s left of me then?

When we say "yes" instead of "no" in a non negotiable circumstance, something displeasable happens inside us. Something breaks. We have this kind of shame, we avoid mirrors and our insight becomes unbearable. And when we go to sleep, it´s only left the unpleaseant flavor of thinking: why didn´t I said no?

In so many times we are unable to deffend from abusive people. We tend to be quiet, even though we are dying inside. In other situation, avoiding to say "no" may be fatal (like in the case when we can´t say no to drugs).

Being assertive is to be able to deffend our personal rights, without violating the rights of others. Assertiveness is self affirmation and honorability to ourselves. Is an act of self esteem. It´s to set that love is not submissive obedience, specially when our values and self respect are being violated.

We have to learn too, to let it go, if the ocassion has no importance at all (you don´t want to become a rebel without a cause). But when it come to fundamentals, you should say what you really think and feel. Express it. With respect and empathy, and even with a smile (if you can still do it), but don´t be quiet. The art of being assertive is the hability of balancing the rights and duties without entanglement. It´s a complex science, in which we create a respectful site of mutual inhabitance within respect, when everybody is ok, but you are ok too.

Always be prepared
to give an answer to everyone
who asks you to give a reason
for the hope that you have.
But do this with gentleness
and respect.
(1 Peter 3:15).

by Henry Leguizamo

FAITHFULNESS

FAITHFULNESS

A trustworthy or loyal person is the one who keeps steady and perseveres in his affections or fulfilling his obligations. Faithful is the one, who doesn´t deceive the trust that has been given to him.

Faithfulness goes along with thankfulness. A loyal person is the one who has received something good from someone and never forgets. Blessed is the one who can give without remembering and receive without forgetting. Unfaithful is the one who betrays, the one who forgets and chooses the 30 coins, as Judas did.

Faithfulness lays on memory, but also in the will. Because faithfulness is a virtue of endurance, and perseverance. In an ever changing world, where everything flows, the only thing that could keep us steady in our ways is the voluntary memory of faithfulness.

Faithfulness in the couple is linked directly to exclusivity. Not as in friendship where you can have more than one friend; or as in the ideas, when you are faithfull not only to one of your ideas.

But, what does it mean to be faithfull to your couple? Desire, is unavoidable, but, the satisfaction of my desire can´t lead to the suffering of the person I love, or betrayal, or putting at risk the history you have together. A couple is not a couple only because the sex they have toguether or because they live in the same house. A couple is such, because they have love and endurance.

Our couple is one of the most valuable things we have, and that´s why we can base our relationships only in passion. That would be like having a very superficial and weak basis, that in most cases tends to break. If having a couple is endurance and love, then faithfulness is its basis, because love endures only if there is memory and good will. Faithfulness is that mix of trust and gratitude to a received and given love, a shared love. Faithfulness is memory and history, but it is also, good will and present.

My eyes will be on the faithful in the land,
that they may dwell with me;
he whose walk is blameless
will minister to me.

(Psalms 101:6)NVI.


By Henry Leguizamo